And *You* Wanna Be My Latex Salesman?

February's a short month?

I'm retaining (3-5 lbs. worth of) water?

I gained muscle?

If we were playing 10,000 Pyramid, this would be the point when you'd yell out, "Reasons you didn't lose weight this month!" and Dick Clark would say, "Judges? No, I'm sorry, we're looking for Excuses there...Excuses for not losing weight this month"  Things a toothbrush would say! (Ok, I used to love that game show in my youth and I will abandon the imaginary set now.)

I am as frustrated and filled with self-loathing as George Costanza when his ruse to have Jerry be his front for the unemployment office failed.

Yes, that's me crying on the floor in my underwear after the Big Weigh-in. It's not a plateau. It's just slacking off on the food front. I sort of predicted this a post or two back, but it still sucks to be confronted with reality. 

I know what I need to do, but knowing is not doing. Over the last month, I checked off my scheduled runs and other workouts for the most part, but I let the food take care of itself on a lot of days. And if there's one thing I've learned the hard way, it is that the food does so NOT take care of itself. I have eaten poorly due to laziness, happiness, boredom, and defiance. Yes, defiance! I showed me, I guess. 

So onward and upward. Er, I mean downward. Why can't everyday be the first day of the life change, the day we're all fired up and gung ho? Or better yet, the last day, hitting the goal day? The slogging through bits in between those two points are really a drag sometimes. And even though I've testified before a jury of myself that I want this to be a life change and I don't care how long it takes, no one likes to flatline on the scale while they are still ostensibly hoping to lose weight. I was logging into my bodybugg software and it cheerfully exclaims I've owned the contraption for 56 weeks! Why would I want to know that, (a), and (b), why would I be excited about stagnating for so long, as indicated by the exclamation point. And p.s. Mr. Bugg, but the contraption was a gift and I activated the device for warranty purposes. That doesn't mean I was on a Program all those weeks. It doesn't mean I'm on one now.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing, honestly. That's what I'll be trying to figure out this month, I suppose....