Pear-shaped loser updates

Slogging away on the treadmill today, I saw a Jenny Craig commercial and was surprised to see my old friend, George Costanza, standing next to Valerie Bertinelli! Ok, of course his real name is Jason Alexander. I'm not a fan of any "diet program", but I think Costanza brings some much needed levity and relate-ability to the journey. And I'd rather some of the billion dollar weight loss industry revenues make it into the pocket of someone I like. Go pear-shaped losers!

 

This pear-shaped loser has been trying to dust herself off and regroup after a lackluster showing in the Official Monthly Weigh-in. I've been tracking diligently, eating more meals at home, and cutting back on drinking (cue Santana singing, "baby, you've got to change your boozing ways"...) So far, so good. Yeah, that's about 3 days of good for those of you counting at home. 3 is better than 0, I say!

 

I just came back from a 6-mile run on the treadmill. At one point I had to stop to use the restroom and refill my water bottle and of course the machine timed out on me so I had to restart the effort (keeping track of course of the 4.32 miles already logged.) It felt like a freaking marathon! Now the trick is not to eat like a marathoner the rest of the day.

Seems like a lot of blogs I follow updated today - yay! So I was about an hour delayed heading out as I first like to catch up on what everyone else is doing for inspiration. Then I like to add my 2 cents (sometimes more like 10 cents) and then an hour has passed. But the extra inspiration is so worth it - so thank you bloggers!

And Betsy commented! Girl, I have you in my little mojo blogroll, so I've been watching that space eagerly for news from you and was so excited to hear from you. Your audience awaits you! (But in a friendly, supportive, non-stalkerish way!)

MMMM, yummy beef & broccoli stir-fry incoming...thank you, wonderful bf! Oh, brown rice, carrots, garlic, ginger. Later a cup of tea and a dvd while we watch the Blizzard of 2010. Enjoy the weekend wherever you are!

And *You* Wanna Be My Latex Salesman?

February's a short month?

I'm retaining (3-5 lbs. worth of) water?

I gained muscle?

If we were playing 10,000 Pyramid, this would be the point when you'd yell out, "Reasons you didn't lose weight this month!" and Dick Clark would say, "Judges? No, I'm sorry, we're looking for Excuses there...Excuses for not losing weight this month"  Things a toothbrush would say! (Ok, I used to love that game show in my youth and I will abandon the imaginary set now.)

I am as frustrated and filled with self-loathing as George Costanza when his ruse to have Jerry be his front for the unemployment office failed.

Yes, that's me crying on the floor in my underwear after the Big Weigh-in. It's not a plateau. It's just slacking off on the food front. I sort of predicted this a post or two back, but it still sucks to be confronted with reality. 

I know what I need to do, but knowing is not doing. Over the last month, I checked off my scheduled runs and other workouts for the most part, but I let the food take care of itself on a lot of days. And if there's one thing I've learned the hard way, it is that the food does so NOT take care of itself. I have eaten poorly due to laziness, happiness, boredom, and defiance. Yes, defiance! I showed me, I guess. 

So onward and upward. Er, I mean downward. Why can't everyday be the first day of the life change, the day we're all fired up and gung ho? Or better yet, the last day, hitting the goal day? The slogging through bits in between those two points are really a drag sometimes. And even though I've testified before a jury of myself that I want this to be a life change and I don't care how long it takes, no one likes to flatline on the scale while they are still ostensibly hoping to lose weight. I was logging into my bodybugg software and it cheerfully exclaims I've owned the contraption for 56 weeks! Why would I want to know that, (a), and (b), why would I be excited about stagnating for so long, as indicated by the exclamation point. And p.s. Mr. Bugg, but the contraption was a gift and I activated the device for warranty purposes. That doesn't mean I was on a Program all those weeks. It doesn't mean I'm on one now.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing, honestly. That's what I'll be trying to figure out this month, I suppose....

Well, alright then!

I'm trying, I tells ya! Without going totally girlie & tmi on you, I'm having a very rough week. It involves debilitating cramps, faintness and cravings for red meat (iron) and chocolate (chocolate). Yet, I had in my last post promised to be good, good, good. Or at least strive for goodness. So I have been dragging myself to the gym for treadmill sessions. The me vs. me would have been hilarious if I were watching someone else battle her inner sloth. I basically bribed and negotiated my way through two 4-mile sessions. Passerby with mind-reading abilities might have caught these gems from my internal struggle:

• "You can run the whole thing at your slowest pace if you need to"
• "I'll try, but I'm already tired"
• "...although this is the shorter run this week, so you should try to go a bit faster maybe?"
• "3 minutes I've been on this thing???! I think it's broken"
• "You can drink water at a mile"
• "I might just do 2 miles"

And so on.  Eventually I got the sh!t over and done with and of course felt fantastic (and famished) afterwards. In a rush, I had the best little treat on the run from Starbucks. I love their yogurt parfaits once in a while. There's one with peaches and one with berries. All the nutrition info is on there and it's already in my online tracking database, so all signs point to Easy. (I actually prefer to make my own version of this at home and plan to make a batch of my homemade granola tomorrow, but the Starbucks option is nice to have when needed.) As I entered the cafe, I saw there was one yogurt left! It ended up being a dark cherry, which I wasn't sure about, but desperate times... It was delicious. Tasted like a cherry cobbler. And quite filling.

I'm a bit worried about this month's weigh-in next week. It's been a weird rocky month. Although I'm quite pumped about my running progress, my food (and drink) intake has been at times what can only be called a free-for-all. I'm trying to get that under control and make room for more planned indulgences. So far I've been sticking to my promise to myself to track all food (even the chocolate Entenman's donut, 300 calories for one, thank you very little!), do all slated runs (even with the cramp attack and the Fitness magazine article warning me about the risk of premenopausal women suffering exercise-induced strokes - how is that helping my FitQuest?!), and get in a yoga session (that hasn't happened yet, but I'm still committed to fitting it in on or before Sunday at sundown!)

Is it me? Is it Winter? I need a mojo overhaul. But I'm fighting on, so help me, I am... 

Struggle

So sore. Went to my strength training class last night. With the federal holiday, I was able to rope in a friend who had the day off who normally wouldn't be able to make the earlier start time of the class. Too bad, because it was so fun to have her there. Knowing I'd be meeting her there would totally remove some of the struggle from getting myself there every week. (I do usually get myself there, but not without some inner debate between my funk and fit selves.) 

I started this post unsure of its tone. I have been struggling the last week, but also doing some very positive things, so I decided to just freestyle here. Looking back over the last 10 days or so, I see positive and negative. Achievements and setbacks. And I realize that's not unique to this FitQuest, nor is it unique to me. That's just life. So how can I be positive about the negative?

I ran 18 miles last week - that's huge! It included a 6-mile run. I'm very proud of that achievement, but there's a small part of me that fears I won't be able to continue to progress. I have a training program in Excel, where I mark off each scheduled run as it is completed and I have to say lately I've become somewhat ambivalent. I'm really excited to gray out the number in the cell to signal completion (yay!), but then find one eye wandering (not literally) down the sheet and agonizing, "7 miles?! When is that run? No way!" Struggling...

Message From Above interlude: as I was staring at the paragraph and confronting my running fears, the cursor hovered on the toolbar at the top of the screen and displayed this wisdom from the Laptop Gods, "Change system appearance and behavior, or get help." I am soooo trying to change system appearance and behavior! 

So I'm thinking that admitting there is struggle is the first step. Awareness is good. Now what can I do with that awareness? This might be a good time to review and retrench. I'm on top of the running at the moment. That is my anchor, my main fitness activity with built-in progress points, increasing challenge, fairly easy to execute. (Well, "easy" is not the word, but it can be done anywhere with minimal equipment, etc.) Yoga has fallen off a bit. Or rather, I have slacked off on the yoga. This, too, is something that could be done independently. There are a couple classes I enjoy at my gym (a sunk cost as the membership is already paid, so why not go and maximize the investment already??), but could also be done at home via iTunes or using one of the many routines I happen to have from back issues of Yoga Journal or yoga books I own.

I also think I've been slipping back into on or off eating. I wrote about trying to check in with measuring some commonly eaten foods, like last post's peanut butter debacle. You say tablespoon, I say teaspoon. Let's call the whole thing off. No! Off is bad. My food planning and tracking has been a huge (you guessed it) struggle of late. I don't really plan per se, just try to have a variety of healthy fair on hand, which requires me to rely on the tracking part of the equation. And if I don't track one meal, there's no point in tracking the next and the whole thing snowballs until I can't remember when I last recorded what I ate - or what I ate for that matter. And it couldn't be easier to do! I do it online and the database is full of stuff I eat regularly. 

Alright. Enough whinging then. I already did the strength class this week. (Yay, one cell in the spreadsheet tackled!) I will do the runs. I will do some yoga, even if it is a solo session at home. I will track every meal this week and focus on assessing portion sizes. Struggle be damned, I know I can do these things this week. And I'll worry about next week when I get there.

Again already

I'm baaaaaaaack. I just posted yesterday, but that post really helped me, so I'm going to try posting more and see how that goes. For one thing, I was really in a funk over the last week and since the title of the blog is Less Funk More Fit, well, I needed to get myself sorted. I find that it's really hard for me to post when I'm feeling blah. Which is probably when I most need to write down or try to capture whatever is swirling around in my head. And which may, in turn, help someone else, which is a really cool aspect of this whole blogging deal.

Posting helped me psych myself up for the gym, which I had been trying to gear up for all day and had only gotten to 50/50 on before the entry. Exploring perfection also got me thinking about the Strength class I was hemming and hawing my way out of attending. The last few times I've gone, I have been nitpicking the moves and not enjoying it as much as I did in the past. Yesterday it occurred to me that unless I plan on developing my own fitness class, there is likely never going to be some perfect class I love every time from start to finish. So I really enjoyed last night's class. I tried to go all out ("it's only an hour") and tried to complete all the sets, even when things started burning. There was only one point I rolled my eyes ("how many freaking lunges are we going to do anyway?!"), but caught myself and made a conscious effort to shift my focus.

So much of this journey is my own attitude. I felt good about my performance in the class and instead of nitpicking my instructor's choices in moves and music, I instead appreciated her for pushing me much farther than I would have ever contemplated going on my own.

In other update news, BF placed an order for groceries online and I reminded him to order me my recovery drink (chocolate milk.)  We had some back and forth on the selection; one was my organic standby and the other was the holy grail of milk from the dairy found at area Farmers' Markets, which had just added some of their products to the online grocery service. Well, when I came back from a 4-miler today, lo and behold, both were in the fridge. Apparently BF forgot to delete the first one ordered after I found out about the holy grail. "Chug up," says BF. Mmph. I'll chug up - in moderation. But that's a lot of milk!

My last couple weigh-ins have been flatlining or to put a positive spin on it: Maintenance Preview. So I'm really trying to get my fitness on, but not in a punishing way, more of a take-the-bull-by-the-horns-you-go-girl motivational approach. I've also tried to track my food better. Today I revisited weighing & measuring, the dastardly duo dreaded by losers the land over. (Even for the sake of alliteration I won't say "dieters".) When I track my food online and select natural peanut butter (ingredients: peanuts), it defaults to 2 Tablespoons as a serving, which I thought was absurd! "No way do I eat 2 T's of PB," and I'd change it to 1. Well, 1 might be sufficient on my whole wheat english muffins, but it only covered one piece of my whole wheat toast. Enlightening. And depressing. But why track if I'm going to make up some fantasy (perfectionist?) idealized version of my intake?

I want to own my journey. My decisions. I knocked out [x] miles... I worked out for at least an hour 6 days this week... I ate 2 Tablespoons of peanut butter... So be it.

It wasn't a perfect week

I missed a run last week. And a yoga session. Ah well. I ran 3 times (4 miles twice and a 5 mile run), did a fairly intense cardio session with all sorts of inclines and varying speeds on the treadmill (cardio attention-defecit disorder? "If I keep playing with these controls and only listen to 10 seconds of every song on my iPod, maybe I can will time to move faster..."), and went to an hour-long strength training class.

Alright I feel better now.  If I had stopped my report on what I had skipped out on last week, I would still feel like a fitness under-achiever. But by looking at the complete picture, it's decent. Not perfect. But then again, neither am I.

This reminds me that over the weekend, BF and I were hauling out trash and recycling and I wanted to dump some sketchy leftovers out before we closed up the bag. He held the bag open as I emptied out some black beans that were probably delicious in Q4 2009. As I repeatedly tapped the container against the side of the trash, he finally said, "Good enough, Virgo," and promptly tied the bag close before I could realize the satisfaction of getting that last little bean to surrender to its fate.

Yes, friends, apparently those born under my sign are known perceived to suffer from an obsession with perfection. Which is not the same as doing things perfectly, but often involves a general sense of disappointment and agonizing hours spent analyzing the gap between expectation and reality.

I like to think I am laid-back and easy-going. But when the spreadsheet says yoga and there is no yoga, then I have to edit the cell to read rest. Or abandon the spreadsheet altogether and no good can has come of that (in the past). So, yes, I owned and embraced the Rest Day(s). And I haven't turned into a giant Oreo. Yet.

I said when starting out (this time) that I really wanted to pursue a plan that I could see myself living on for the long-term. No quick fixes. No juice fasts. Even if that means a slower rate of loss. So I think I have to confront the fact that I am not always going to want to work out. Well, that's quite frequent, actually. But there will be times I will not be able to cajole, harass or otherwise motivate myself to workout. Then what? Or there will be times I'll really crave some pizza - not the healthified kind I make on whole-wheat baguettes, but the studio-apartment-sized NY slice served up on way too many corners near my home. Then what?

Then you deal. In the past, either of those instances would have lead to a whole new path of fitnesslessness and gooey foods. Why can't I instead say, "hey, sloth happens...that day off means you can really bang it out on your next run" or, "that pizza was delish...good thing you ate well the rest of the week so you could enjoy that"...or... anything positive. I want the idealized and real versions of myself to get to know each other better. I feel each could really learn from the other and together they could be an unstoppable force for good on this whole Fit Quest. 

(Self)Knowledge is power, I suppose.

We're gonna need some chocolate milk here...

Mmmmm,  chocolate milk. I was just reading a study touting the benefits of chocolate milk as a post-endurance training recovery drink. Apparently, relative to most bottled recovery drinks, chocolate milk boasts double the protein and carbohydrate content, plus calcium. The article ends with the researcher's comment that "it's an incredibly effective recovery drink - even though it's never been marketed as one..." 

Well, I bet it won't take too long for that to happen. In fact, I predict food scientists and the marketers that promote their creations will take it a step further by enhancing good old chocolate milk to make it even better...Now with twice the sodium chloride!

There's a really great local dairy whose milk and eggs I've bought at various Farmers' Markets here in NYC that makes an amazing chocolate milk. Their stuff is non-homogenized and sold in glass bottles, so you have to shake shake shake it to get all the creamy goodness mixed together properly. The chocolate milk tastes like a milkshake. Yum! Luckily it's not like real ice cream, where I could easily eat a pint (quart?) and call it a night. I just have a glass after my longer runs and it's surprisingly satisfying and filling. 

I was a little hesitant the first time I picked up a bottle to take home. The ghosts of dichotomies past whispering, "baaaad food, baaaaad..." in my ear. And as a wino, er, wine lover, I already drink too many of my calories in a given day, though I am trying to be one of those in-moderation types (one day at a time). But I figure I'll give the choco miracle a whirl and see how it goes.

Today I ran 5 miles (woo hoo!) and I really enjoyed the creamy treat. A couple years ago, when I first got into running, I had several episodes of post-run vomiting when I got up to running beyond 5 miles. Not every time, but it happened 3 or 4 times and I know it had something to do with the way I was (or was not) fueling my body. So we'll see how this goes.

On an unrelated note, I've been trying to spend time reading some new fitness and/or weight loss blogs. It's great relating to someone you don't know, but with whom you seem to have so many things in common. My problem is I like to read through the Archives, so I: 

1. take a long time to get to comment in The Present 
2. don't follow too many blogs because I'm stuck in someone's 2006 Holiday struggle

What are your most frequently followed blogs? Would love any suggestions...

Tipping the Scales

Are fitness magazines our tormentors or saviors? Maybe none of the above, but as I was catching up on mine this morning, it occurred to me that they can be hazardous to one's self-esteem. 

I must confess I'm a transformation junkie. I go straight for the "Success Stories" complete with Before & After shots. Man, they make it look easy. "Janey cut out fast food and lost 10 pounds the first month. She began walking and quickly lost 20 more pounds. Inspired, she added strength training and lost 15 more pounds before the end of the year." Janey never lets 2 drinks turn into 5 at Happy Hour before finding herself facedown in a plate of nachos. (No, she sips a wine spritzer, which is just a sin against wine, but I digress.)

I was in for a treat with this month's haul of fit mags. This being the January issue, it was Transformation Central!  What got me started on this theme, was coming across the phrase, "tipping the scales" in two different stories. What does that even mean? One person "tipped" at 192. I can see if she weighed 410 and her scale only went to 400. And even if she weighed 410, she could always weigh more. "Tipped the scales" suggests some kind of end-of-the-road weight to me. Like she weighed as much as is humanly possible. Alright, I'm being overly-something. I guess I just don't care for the expression and it got me thinking about the fitness media in more general terms.

Shape, Women's Health, Fitness, Self, I subscribe to all of them. Sometimes it's hard to discern much difference among them. Sometimes  I wonder how a $995 handbag or this season's perfect shade of lipstick for every complexion is going to push me along on my quest for fitness. (I already know the publishers' answer to this complaint: fashion, makeup, celebrity profiles, and other tips and quasi-promotional placements, er, articles, facilitate a holistic approach to women's "wellness".)

Which is fine, I suppose. I'm free to peruse the sections I find motivating and pertinent and flip, flip, flip through the other nonsense. Most of the "fitness models" are the same 4% body fat figures found in glossy fashion spreads - demotivating. Sometimes they'll feature a recipe makeover or a new cardio routine I want to try - motivating. 

Lately though, I've found them piling up for a couple months before I get around to them. Maybe because I've found myself so much more inspired by real people on fitness blogs? They experience struggles, setbacks, and successes - often in the same day! - just like I do. They get fed up and go "awol" and find their way back to an approach they can live with - just like I do. They don't have pat answers or 8 steps to flat abs, they make it up as they go along - just like I do.